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Joke of the Day

"There are some days when I just really do not want to wake up early and go to work. I call these days Monday Friday."

"When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, ""Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better."" Well played, Mom. Well played."

"At my funeral I want a magician to saw my coffin in half or I'm not going."

"Why is life like a penis? Because Women make it hard!"

"Hotel coffee is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water."

"I would post a Casey Anthony joke... But my mom would kill me."

"Girl, are you into conspiracy theories? Because you are looking Illumi-naughty!"

"I'm writing a television series which involves everyone smoking dope. It's a mellow drama."

"Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug?"

"You say tomato I say gross"