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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer? A prostitute will stop screwing you after you're dead."

"Guy getting on elevator in my office building.."" Going Down?"" Me: ""No, but I've got time for a hug"""

"What do women and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them."

"Let's have phone sex over walkie talkies. ""Bend over."" ""Bend what? Over."""

"Political(& Subtle) Joke Why was the Tree afraid of the Bush? Because the Bush did 9/11"

"5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?"

"Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one."

"CNN is like a strip club... They keep dancing around all the polls."

"The worst part of a Halloween party with a bunch of techies is bobbing for apps."

"If it screams, it's not food yet"