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Joke of the Day

"ME: I know it's probably the beer talking, but you look beautiful tonight! BEER: Hey buddy, don't be putting words in my mouth now."

"says ""bartender, I'll hve a beer please"" A time traveler walks into a bar"

"I saw a woman breastfeeding her baby on the bus today... And the lady beside me started freaking out. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best time for a wank."

"I've replaced my neighbors toothpaste with Napalm, and left him a free pack a cigarettes. Now we wait."

"How do you comfort a grammar nazi? Pat him or her on the back and say, ""Their, they're..."""

"Overheard this guy say ""I can skin a deer in 20 min, but I still can't hula hoop."" Not sure why he thinks those skills would be transferable"

"Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything We called him 9/12"

"Did you hear about that mad cow disease? A cow to another: ""Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!"" The other cow: ""Good thing I'm a helicopter!"""

"Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st? Because they have just finished a 31 day March."

"How did the Kentucky woman know her daughter was on her period? She tasted the blood on her son's penis."