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Joke of the Day

"If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party"

"Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more..."

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? They had a lawn-distance relationship."

"""Children, stop biting grandpa's nails... ...or I'll close the coffin!"""

"Its been so long since I've had sex, my next time can't possibly be bad. For my partner, however, its guaranteed."

"If I was a hot chick. I'd open my legs so wide I'd be able to fit all four of my Ferraris in my snatch."

"What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector? Well, one is a toy-loving vapist..."

"Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died? Because his life had no porpoise."

"What's the difference between a joke and 100 dicks in your ass? You can't take a joke."

"Last night, I was sitting next to a hot girl at the bar... ...and all I could think was, ""Don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection..."" But she did."