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Joke of the Day

"If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party"

"Why was Muhammad a successful merchant? Because he was god's profit."

"Making a business call while sexting is surprisingly difficult. Mmm yes, baby, suck my purchase order."

"How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5, one to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder."

"What wasn't stolen when CVS was looted during the Baltimore riots? The Father's Day cards."

"Has anyone seen what's up with that Subway Jared guy lately?! He got fat again!"

"18 is TOO young to get married! You can't even buy booze at 18! If you can't buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?"

"I got told off for masturbating at the gun range. We had very different interpretations of shooting from the hip."

"A man walks a little girl into the woods at night. The girl begins to tremble and says, ""I'm scared."" ""You're scared,"" the man replies abrasively, ""I have to walk out of here by myself."""

"I called the Paranoia Hotline: This guy answered and said, ""How the hell did you get this number?"""