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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a knock knock joke? Two men walk into a bar. (credit to my friend who has no Reddit account)"

"Any salad can be a Caesar salad. If you stab it enough."

"Good night everyone. There's a pillow with my name on it. It's a long story. But basically, I had a brief obsession with needlework."

"Hey symphonies, play the main part we like more."

"What has nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard"

"How did the Endorian get to school every day? Ewok'd."

"I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said ""open cap and push up bottom"". Now I can't walk but my farts smell awesome."

"If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper"

"Surprise a beautiful person today by disagreeing with them."

"What kind of pants do Bostonians wear? Car Keys"