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Joke of the Day

"What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus? You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!"

"Life is like a dick pic... Sometimes you get things you don't ask for."

"Every night when you sleep,I sneak into your house, full of desire. I then reduce the amount of marshmallowy treats in your cereal&go home."

"Funny, those Baby Einstein videos don't mention anything about how he fled Baby Europe to escape the Baby Nazis."

"My subaru wasn't working. How awd."

"My ex said my penis resembled a tic tac. So I asked her, then why does your sister still have bad breath?"

"What is pink and has seven dents in it? Snow White's virginity."

"My girlfriend and I broke up over astrology. She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit."

"I dated Stephen Hawking but had to break it off. He just wasn't a very stand-up guy."

"I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh."