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Joke of the Day

"Hey guys, we heard you guys were upset about losing a lot of subscribers on your YouTube channel. Nah, it's fine bros."

"ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope"

"What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison? A MUGshot."

"I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb. It doesn't matter since they will just be the room for being black."

"I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you're wondering it's 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books."

"I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now."

"have to stop saying ""how am i going to kill my way out of this one"" everytime there is trouble going on, or at least not out loud"

"Hell yes, I'll be at the stores at 4 am. I'm not going to buy anything, I just like punching people."

"Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis."