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Joke of the Day

"My sheep friends asked me to find them some drugs so I went to the local animal dealer... Pablo Escobaaaaaa"

"This Tweet has been a test of the Emergency Procrastination System."

"Whats the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby i just killed? Newton died a virgin"

"Why was the school grey? Because it was a Greyed School. I woke up with this joke in my head this morning. I think my brain is trying to kill me with horrible puns."

"Just watched 7 hours of the Inside of my Eyelids Channel. Lotta black shows."

"OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as ""we,"" then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as ""we."""

"Spoil any movie by telling ur friend ""Ice Cube dies"" before they watch it. They'll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time"

"please sir. i beg of you. don't take away my job. i've got a tuscan kitchen & 2 full baths at home. sir. sir please. my kitchen. it's tuscan"

"how dare you call me when dogs 101 is on"

"Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa."