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Joke of the Day

"Just watched 7 hours of the Inside of my Eyelids Channel. Lotta black shows."

"What do you call a condom within a condom? Contraception."

"A lady walks into a bar and orders a double entendre... ...and the bartender gives it to her."

"My doctor told me to stay away from transfats So I can't go on Tumblr"

"I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school."

"I just checked to see if I had any post, and on the floor in front of the letterbox is an envelope that says ""Do not bend""... How am I supposed to pick it up?"

"What is the only word that a redneck will capitalise? Punishment."

"Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER."

"What does a computer eat when it's hungry? Chips -- one byte at a time."

"Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol."