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Joke of the Day

"I got addicted to eating deli meat right out of the refrigerator... But I decided to quit cold turkey."

"I'm a heroine addict Wonder Woman, Super Woman, Batgirl--I just can't get enough of them!"

"Where do you put people with ADHD? A concentration camp"

"As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass."

"Russian computer: ""Enter password"" Me: ""Beef stew"" Russian computer: ""Password not stroganoff"""

"My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce."

"[hiding in pantry from murderer] [quietly tries to open bag of chips]"

"What's the difference...? What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck."

"Where do ghost trains stop? At devil crossings."

"What has four legs and two assholes? A police horse."