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Joke of the Day

"A blonde woman one read that over 70% of car accidents happened within 15 minutes of home... She decided it'd be safer to live somewhere else."

"The reason the earth's core is hot Is because my mixtape is so underground"

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van."

"Science joke The bartender says ""we don't serve your kind here"" He orders a drink A Tachyon walks into a bar Who wants to hear a Tachyon joke?"

"What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool? Sinko :D"

"A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. ""That won't help you, Joe, you know?"" ""Oh it helps a lot,"" says the man, ""it's the only way I can see the numbers!"""

"The sequel to Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is just a series of horrified people finding parts of missing kids in their chocolate bars"

"What did the diva with Alzheimer's disease say? **DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM????** (credit to one of the writers from Bob's Burgers)."

"My favorite thing about myself is that I'm humble."

"Why do 9 out of 10 bear moms prefer minivans over sedans? All the extra cubholders."