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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe people say people who don't believe in climate change don't care about the environment. Just look how well they recycle their arguments!"

"[soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]"

"The Avengers must love Daft Punk They were up all night to get Loki"

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said ""I wanna watch"""

"Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?"

"How was the roman empire cut in half? With a pair of caesars Edit: fixed"

"""Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!"" The parole board chants, as I enter my hearing. This was not a good sign."

"How did Moses make his tea? Hebrews it"

"4-year-old: *looks at our pig* Which pig is she? Me: What do you mean? 4: Is her house made of bricks or sticks?"

"Call me self-indulgent, but I only stay in motels that advertise ""color TV"" and ""air-conditioning"" on their sign out front."