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Joke of the Day

"They say when you find a sea shell, pick it up, and put it to your ear, you can hear the ocean. Do you know why that is? Cause you're on the fuckin beach."

"A Texan says to a Harvard student... Texan: where are ya from? Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions. Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?"

"In pretty sure my wife's most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags."

"Two Russian pilots in Syria - Hi, what have you been doing today? - Bombing the ISIS headquarters... - Which one, the main headquarters? - No man, the main headquarters is on the other continent..."

"What is a pirates favourite part of a fish? The aye"

"What do you call a really really big ant? A GIANT! Now what do you call a baby ant? an Infant! What do you call an ant thats into business? A Merchant! please post more ant jokes if you know of any."

"After several Steven Segal films in a row, you'd think bad guys would know to avoid rooms that contain both him & a PoolTable"

"I'd like deadlines more if they were called happy endings."

"What is a 6.9 ? A good thing ruined by a period."

"What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth? One was planned."