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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter? A rashtag."

"My friend said to me ""I don't understand why all smokers don't just vaporize?"" ... ""A little harsh don't ya think?"" I replied."

"Who do you call during a Zika virus emergency? The SWAT team"

"What is Error 619? When your kid sleeps in between."

"Wife was feeling kinky last night so she got naked and I tied her to the headboard, then me and my buddy ordered pizza and played X-Box."

"So I wanted to write a joke about the lack of aplomb demonstrated by the police recently in Texas. But that would resemble a bomb, and I might get in trouble."

"One of my campers made this up today: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!"

"Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race? (WTF?) His thighs were burning too bad."

"Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room"

"Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them."