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Joke of the Day

"Never judge a book by its cover Use the paragraph on the back instead.."

"*wife comes home* ""Did you fix the toilet?"" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] ""You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"""

"Do they make special shoes for gingers with no soles?"

"How can you tell if Trump is lying? His lips move. How can you tell if Clinton is lying? [deleted]"

"What do you call a Romanian grocery clerk? Scanthesku"

"Where's the gratification in tearing down another human being? It's much easier to have heart, than walk w a self-inserted rod up your ASS."

"'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support."

"My cheating Ex-girlfriend just got fired for drinking on the job. She worked at the sperm bank."

"Was at the zoo and witnessed a monkey going to the bathroom. That shit was bananas."

"Don't have a ""Garage sale"" if I can't buy your garage idiot."