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Joke of the Day

"I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer.. But no one will do it."

"Friends with benefits who are bad at sex ...are hard to come by."

"Some days, Mos Def only feels Mos Prob."

"Someone's written an album about thermometers... I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize."

"ANAESTHETIST: Count backwards from 100 ME: 100..99..98 ME: ..3..2..1..um [looks round] now what? ANAESTHETIST [muffled] You have to find me"

"What does OSU and Ronda Rousey have in common? They were both undefeated until the final kick."

"I feel like the average weatherman is just meteor-ocre."

"Ever see the same type of towel you own at a friend's house and be like motherfucker stole my towel but really you're just drunk at an Arbys"

"Accidently played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear. Now it can ride a bike without training wheels."

"I'm not saying my wife's voice is annoying, but right now I'm really jealous of deaf people."