177699

Joke of the Day

"If you ask for ice water in the south they look at you funny, down here they drink something called ass water?"

"If the Indians would have given the Pilgrims donkey instead of turkey, we'd all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving"

"Meow What do you call a cat who watches dirty movies? A purrvert."

"Have you heard of that movie Gravity? I heard it was... full of suspense"

"My 84 mother to my 19: Make-up sure does wonders but you don't want your future husband waking up wondering who you are in the morning."

"Hello 911. ""He's back what do I do?"" Brent? ""Yes"" It's the just the mailman remember ""Ok, sorry."" Bye ""Wait, he put something in my mailbo"

"Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math."

"I just burned 2000 calories! That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven and take a nap."

"If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd install dimmer lights in the bathroom. Should anyone dim the lights, I'd have a song play. When the Lights Go Down in the Shitty"

"A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel shoved down his pants. The bartender says, ""hey pirate that's got to be hard to walk with."" Pirate says, ""aye, it be driving me nuts."""