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Joke of the Day

"My therapist says I should stop breaking into his house to tell him all my problems ... and also that he's not a therapist ."

"Countdown is Dracula's retarded brother."

"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't jelly my cock down your throat"

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them."

"Did you hear Jill Stein and Al Franken are getting married? Their kids said they will hyphenate their last names to ""Franken-Stein."""

"What's better than two roses on your paino? Tulips on your organ."

"Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to ""It's complicated"" by posting ""thanks for last night"" underneath it."

"I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit's door."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool *badum pssssh*"

"Q: Why was the musician arrested? A: He got in treble."