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Joke of the Day

"wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!"

"Two guys are walking down the street........ .....and come upon a dog, licking his balls. The first guy says to the second guy, ""I wish I could do that!"". The second guy says, ""That dog'll bite you!""."

"Why did the little boy flush a pencil down the toilet? Because it was a Number 2."

"Why shouldn't you shower with a Pokemon? It might Pikachu."

"Mispronouncing French phrases can be a real social fox piss."

"To back up his ""every action has an equal and opposite reaction"" theory, Newton should've released one simultaneously saying ""no it doesn't"""

"Me and Justin Trudeau have alot in common... We both hope our budget will balance itself"

"Women are like boats I'd rather pay for the occasional ride than go through the hassle of having my own."

"How can you tell if a loaf of bread is a boy or girl? Feel around for the dough nuts"

"[speaking to an attractive lady] ""How can a beautiful girl like you be single?!"" ""Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave"""