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Joke of the Day

"How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs? Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce."

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"Why did the feminist fail in programming? She hated objectification."
"Before my father kicked the bucket he asked me the most profound question... He said ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""
"Talking to my friend who started watching a new anime makes me feel like a German on D-Day The ships just keep coming."
"I had 2 big surprises today. The first one was that the Thai massage centre at the bottom of my road is actually a brothel..."
"I wrote a song about a tortilla... Well, actually, it's more of a wrap."
"Some guy said I was being pithy.... turns out he had a lisp."
"The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I'm cured."
"Is this your resume? ""Yep"" It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away ""Oh yes"" Welcome to UPS!"
"Why do american bears have forelimbs? They have the right to bear arms"