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Joke of the Day

"i won a latin grammy but i have no idea what to feed her and she's getting frustrated by the language barrier"

"Yes, they're good. But mangoes act like they know they're good, and that's unappealing to me."

"What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary? A hedgehog."

"Did you hear about the man whose first girlfriend was a dwarf? He's still nuts over her."

"What do you call a Palestinian women? A Jewish Fuck Bag."

"""Excellent choice, sir. And what temperature would you like me to microwave your steak to?"" - The Honest Applebees Server"

"When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram."

"I wish they had an app that allows you to delete your number from other ppl's phones."

"people almost never ask me for man advice because 98% of it is ""you should slash his tires"""

"That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid."