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Joke of the Day

"No one is more excited for today than Michael J. Fox... He's been shaking with anticipation for the last 25 years."

"In a recent football game, a player sustained injuries, and the manager was fired after sending on the wrong player to replace him. Whoops, wrong sub."

"My one true love cooks for me, cleans for me, has never talked back, does what I tell her to do, I can have my way with her any time I want, and she ALWAYS satisfies me. But enough about my hand."

"WHAT I ORDER: French toast WHAT WAITER HEARS: If my water goes below the brim you die"

"What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$? Yeah."

"Husband: Call ambulance, Fast! I am Having a Heart Attack... Wife: ( Took his mobile): ""Quick!! Tell me the Password!!"" Husband: It's Okay, I am feeling better now!! :D :D"

"Becoming a vegetarian Is a big missed steak."

"My ex-wife is so evil that she has lessons with Satan every Sunday... I just don't know how much she charges him."

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"

"No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight."