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Joke of the Day

"New Channels: Bin Laden dead That's ruined the game, what do we do now it's our turn to hide?"

"Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory? There was de-brie everywhere."

"You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!"

"My friend Gerund is from Ingland."

"changed my voice settings to Spanish on my gps it told me i didn't have enough people in the car"

"If I can ever learn how to fold a fitted sheet, I will consider my life to be a successful one."

"me: honey, I'm home! [shuts door] girlfriend: (from bedroom) oh yeah harder me: if you say so [slams door]"

"what's the worst part for a zombie about eating a vegetable? the wheelchair."

"What's the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What *the* fuck! and What *a* fuck!"

"What happens when almonds die? Diamond"