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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She is using sighcology"

"If you laid all the veins in your body end to end... you'd be dead."

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ... yeah that's the whole joke."

"[OC] Kid: I just shat gold Parents: Wow, finally something good came out of you"

"A snail gets robbed by two turtles. The police interview the snail, asking for descriptions of the suspects. ""I don't know,"" the snail says. ""It all just happened so fast."""

"Why can't truck drivers ever fully retire? Because they can only semi retire."

"I used the think that correlation implied causation, but now I know that it doesn't. I took a statistics class last year, and that might have helped, but I'm not so sure."

"I misused a comma in my last tweet and now I'm having problems with my colon. I know it has nothing to do with my period."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told twice. (Sorry for old joke)"

"Dad says, ""College students are more interested in women today than ever before.."" A lot of them are in a program where they study a broad"