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Joke of the Day

"Next time you're swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it's a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun!"

"What do you call a homosexual on roller skates? Rolaids. -courtesy of bro team pill"

"I felt bad for the monster so once a week we switch and I sleep under the bed."

"We only speak to our two year old with a British accent. She's going to be the coolest kindergartner in Kansas."

"Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list... It's a pretty bad state of affairs"

"How do you get ""Dick"" from Richard? You ask him politely."

"Canada was like, ""This is all part of the Northwest Territories,"" but the Inuit were having Nunavut."

"President Putin say's he is doing everything he can to wipe out Aids Researchers. (What too soon?)"

"You know what's white and crawls up your leg? Uncle Ben's perverted rice."

"how i look like Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella. Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?"