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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by having the wrong teacher take my class for me while I was off Work. Whoops, wrong sub."

"I turned off Auto-Correct for the first time, and now my new girlfriend thinks she has a face that launched a 1000 shits."

"Smart Friend My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"*hears someone breaking in* *grabs gun and walks down hallway* *cord drags* *realizes I grabbed Nintendo gun from Duck Hunt* *gets shot*"

"How many saiyans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. But it takes 3 episodes."

"What do Alan Turing and a well-mixed solution have in common? They're both homo-genius."

"""IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE???"" [i stand up super fast & knock myself out on the luggage compartment, requiring another doctor]"

"Philosophy is a game with objectives but no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules but no objectives."

"What did the pencil say? Nevermind, it's pointless."

"I just ate 40 cheese sticks in a row! BAM! Looks like I don't need a ""family"" to get ""value"" out of your stupid bag!"