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Joke of the Day

"Act happy in the supermarket checkout line to contradict the sad story unfolding on the conveyor belt."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's some obscure number.. You've probably never heard of it"

"Doctor and Patient Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway."

"HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU BURNING SINGLES NEAR YOU 1ST DEGREE BURNED SINGLES NEAR YOU DEAD SINGLES NEAR YOU WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP"

"I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer."

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn"". hi Stupid fireman..."

"The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot? Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn."

"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."

"""Wearing horizontal stripes will make you look bigger and really stand out."" Young Waldo: (whispering) Some day I'll prove you wrong."