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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says ""I probably don't have a mode of transportation"" like being the dude hugging another dude on the back of a Harley."

"I just finished a whole stick chap stick without losing it or replacing it. In case any of you women want to know how faithful I am."

"Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*"

"You know how Kim Kardashian thought her butt would ""break the Internet""? I know what would really break the Internet... Nickelback should sing about Comic Sans."

"Cops are like women. Can't live with them, can't live without them. And they're a bunch of pussies."

"While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?"

"Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met."

"Do you have small pox? Because your face looks kind apache!"

"What do you call a Russian sex offender who is trying to quit smoking? A vape-ist"