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Joke of the Day

"[On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino"

"Whats a joke so bad its funny? I just want some really hillarious jokes, preferably long ones"

"Oh, I see you're an extrovert. Sorry, we can't be friends. I already have a friend who's an extrovert. One of you is enough."

"I experienced a rape when I was 5... The babysitter never saw it coming."

"Never been able to throw a frisbee too well, but I make up for it by having a huge dong & a really positive attitude"

"Why couldn't the NSA go outside? They were Snowden."

"i don't think women should stay in the kitchen... i mean, how are they supposed to clean the rest of the house from there?"

"Dont hit me! Thats whats she said. Bazzinga"

"Did you hear about that new car made entirely from wood? It's crazy! Wooden wheels, wooden windows, wooden engine... Wooden move."