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Joke of the Day

"I have a bit of a sinking feeling about today I feel like it's a day of titanic proportions, but my memory of what it could be is completely drowned out."

"[date shouting over music on the dance floor]: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING TWO CORN DOGS? Me: BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!"

"'I've never done this on a first date before' I say as I start vacuuming his place"

"Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat."

"Common sense Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes"

"What do you call a female manager? Miss. Management."

"Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold? The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) [No I am not a dad]"

"What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the docktor!"

"TIL that 70% of statistics are made up on the spot. ...like for example this one."

"Initially I thought I would rather catch herpes than feelings. But then I realized herpes are forever."