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Joke of the Day

"Some asshole stole my mood ring. I'm not really sure how I feel about it."

"What do the Catholic Church and a bucket of shit have in common? Neither supports gay marriage."

"So a seal walks into a club..."

"This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]"

"Democratic debate is in Flint, Michigan ""Would you like some water Secretary??"""" ""No, not at all!"""

"What would be a terrible name for a new beer? Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer? A: ""Mondays""...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays..."

"GENIE: and for your first wish? ME: I wish that the end of every bag of chips was the start of another GENIE: holy shit!"

"A boob job sounds like the best job in the world."

"What's the difference between a hippy and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods."

"Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available."