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Joke of the Day

"Set a man a fire and he'll stay warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life."

"I wish I was a little bit kidding when I say that I just chose peanut M&Ms over regular ones because protein"

"Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!"

"Girl are you a Louis Vuitton store? Because I've never been inside you and probably never will unless I'm rich one day."

"The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ? Amanda the table!"

"Why do asian girls have small boobs? Because only A's are acceptable."

"What is orange and sounds like a carrot A carrot"

"What's the worst part about having Comcast internet? Loading..."

"Old MacDonald was dyslexic H-R-T-Q-P"