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Joke of the Day

"89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers."

"How do you catch a polar bear? You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole."

"Which 3 words will make a mexican tremble in fear ? Round of 16"

"I thought The Walking Dead was having a special tonight.... Turns out it was just The Rolling Stones performing at the 12/12/12 concert."

"[date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? ""kids?"""

"I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed... How could anyone stoop so low?"

"My newly married friend begins most sentences with, ""My husband said."" My go to response is, ""My dogs haven't said much today."""

"Whatever you do, always give 100% Unless you're donating blood"

"What do you call Robin Hood's mother? Mother Hood."

"Does anyone else have a really hard time having a conversation on a carousel? I always feel like I'm talking in circles."