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Joke of the Day

"If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"Your chances in Vegas are better than you think. 1 out of 5 times you'll get an std."

"My wife just told me she read all 1800 of my tweets. I feel like I did when I was 10 and my mom found that magazine under the mattress...."

"Just read a book on Helium. Couldn't put it down."

"So there was a kidnapping in one of the local schools Teacher woke him up though."

"What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. For non-Americans, this is a baseball joke"

"You know what they say about incest... It's only relatively bad."

"Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock. Doesn't protect against harmful rays."

"Did you hear the one about the dog who was into S&M? He liked it ruff."

"Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af."