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Joke of the Day

"What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. For non-Americans, this is a baseball joke"

"What part of a fish weighs the most ? It's scales !"

"The depressing thing about tennis is that you'll never be as good as a wall"

""" I made my famous dip for the office party"" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. ""But he wasn't a chef"" Exactly"

"Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin... It might taste the same but that shit just ain't right."

"What kind of sex do you have twentyseven year olds? Any kind you want, there's twenty of them"

"Did you hear about the midget that finally came to terms with his homosexuality? He just came out of the cupboard."

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend yells out a different name during sex Like bitch, my name isn't ""someone help"""

"My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer.."

"Wife: He keeps his friend close so he doesn't lose him Therapist: Not a bad thing Me [yawns and a bee flies from my mouth]: Come back Alan"