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Joke of the Day

"its all fun and games until someone loses an I?. then we cant play scrabble anymor"

"I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBOR ONCE AGAIN!!! She said she could see me masturbating through the window.. I told her if she would buy some blinds, I wouldn't be standing outside her window."

"Accidentally took an adderall instead of an anti-depressant now I'm SUPER focused on my depression."

"A hot girl texted me ""Come over, no one's home"" So i went over... And no one's home"

"Drunk. In Wal Mart. Fuck."

"I admire women with the restraint to draw on their eyebrows. I wouldn't be able to stop until I'd added glasses and a moustache."

"What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs."

"As an introvert, I love my wife. *wifi"

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Nevermind, I just boiled the egg."

"An old man cheats on his wife The wife asks: ""Why? What does she have that I don't?"" Her Husband answers: ""Parkinson's""."