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Joke of the Day

"Depression. Why treat it when you can end it?"

"How do you tell a real Ferrari from a fake one? You take a pocketknife and scrape off some of the paint on the hood. If it's a real Ferrari... someone will kick your ass."

"""We need to kill the terrorist NOW"" But how.. ""The human body is 70% water"" Jesus, you know what to do *terrorist dies of alcohol poisoning*"

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"

"What do you call a deer with flashlights for eyes? A bright eye deer."

"I didn't have fun at the Boston Marathon this year ... back in 2013 it was a blast."

"Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door? Because his wife was dead-set against it..."

"How does a conceptual artist change a light bulb? He calls it a work of art."

"I bought a clock, and then the big hand broke off it... I didn't want to throw it away, so I just added ""ish"" to every number."

"My drug dealer gave me new shoes today. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."