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Joke of the Day

"My Penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out"

"""how'd your football team football today?"" those footballers footballed quite well...really good footballin'"

"Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy."

"A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society."

"I shaved all the hair of my girlfriend's cat. Hopefully she takes the hint."

"The Tea Party sounds quite nice until you discover their tea tastes of homophobia and their fondant fancies are made of guns and rage."

"Do you sell bloodpants? ""Nope"" Shitpants? ""Nope"" Droolpants? ""Nope"" Sweatpants? ""Right this way..."""

"What do you call a vegan who cheats on their diet with human flesh? A humanitarian"

"The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board."

"In Japan, they are celebrating their position as the most educated country in the world. Here in America it's National Cheeseburger Day."