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Joke of the Day

"My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends... I really hope it's Todd, he's cute"

"There's no such thing as automatic doors... ... Only polite ninjas."

"So I read this book about a camping trip, It was really intents... I'll see myself out."

"I was asked by my doctor if mental illness ran in the family... I told him ""I have an aunt who wants to vote for Hillary Clinton"""

"Scared the hell out of a stranger by sayin' ""good morning"" to 'em. That's a thing people used to do. Google it"

"Women are good for 2 things... Actually 3, if they take it in the ass."

"Why are envelopes and papers white? Because blackmail is illegal."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a park Bench? The bench can support a family."

"I got completely sucked into a three hour documentary about a toad. It was ribbeting."

"My wife left a note on the fridge that said ""This isn't working I'm going to my mom's."" I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about."