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Joke of the Day

"I'll never understand the appeal of TV shows about food. To me that's like listening to the Victoria Secret Fashion Show on the radio."

"You know what bothers me? When people assume you're homeless cause you're asleep on the street and your pants are gone.."

"What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full erection? They break their nose!"

"A little girl asked her father ""Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"" And he replied ""No there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"""

"I would like to start a career in boxing, but I couldn't find any promotor But then I can just send a tweet to Donald Trump"

"Fall is fast approaching. Time to sew all my jean legs back on."

"The Seattle Seahawks play calling."

"No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation."

"When I stayed over at my girlfriend's house, her extremely conservative father wouldn't let us sleep together. Which was a shame, because he is very attractive."

"Just got a $14 haircut at Great Clips because I'm worth it goddamnit."