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Joke of the Day
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"What have women and condoms got in common? If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet."
"Just met a nerdy spider. He's a web designer"
"""is that blood or ketchup?"" ketchup ""how is that even possible?"" *surgeon stops making incision* I don't know"
"Her: what's your favorite thing about our date tonight? Me: that it's almost over"
"I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet."
"According to the CDC, the leading cause of death in 2016 was having a career in the 80's that brought you any level of fame"
"Lord give me coffee to change the things I can...and vodka to accept the things I cannot. Amen!"
"Star Wars spoiler: Ross and Rachel end up together in the end."
"A blond goes to the doctor Blonde: Doctor my skin is very smooth and fair, what should I do before going to sleep? Doctor: Lock the door"