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Joke of the Day

"If you use a meat tenderizer to repeatedly hit a backless bar chair does it become a stool softener? Probably."

"It's so cold out today in Wisconsin I just saw a snowman kill another snowman and crawl inside his body cavity"

"How many anti-Trump protesters does it take to change a lightbulb? TRICK QUESTION. THEY CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING."

"PBS is starting a new children's show... for kids along the Mexican-American border. It's called Maquiladora the Explorer."

"I hate colored pencils. I'd rather dye than use them."

"What do you call a Persian lesbian? A flying carpet muncher. I'm so sorry."

"I had a scary moment when..... I had a scary moment when I was opening my new expensive furniture with a stanley knife. I damn near slit my shelf"

"woops i wrote a joke with no punchline a joke with no punchline"

"Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*"

"Saw a new machine at the gym, but could only use it for 20mins before it made me sick It was great... it had M&M's, Skittles, you name it!"