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Joke of the Day

"Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant"

"I think my girlfriend's love for Einstein's theories is driving us away from each other. But, hey. I'll be a good guy and understand if she just wants some time and space."

"I met a guy from Seattle on the chairlift when skiing today... I asked him if he wanted to do a run and he replied, ""No thanks, I'll pass."""

"What did they say about the pastry with the low IQ? He was Retarted"

"The Past, the Present, and the Future All Walk Into A Bar . . . . . . it was tense."

"Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians? So he could say he listened to them when they were underground."

"Teacher draws a penis on the blackboard. ""Does any one know what that is?"" ""Yes,"" says Tommy. ""My dad has two, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth."""

"TIL Australians don't have sex They just mate"

"10yr old sons joke: Why was ""C"" afraid of all the other letters ? They are all ""Not-C's"" !"

"I don't care what your favorite song is, if you set it as the alarm you wake up to in the morning, you'll want to stab it with other songs."