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Joke of the Day

"they played Twist,so I twisted. they played Jump, so I jumped. they played Come on Eileen ... and I was banned for life"

"Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar"

"What do you call Kim Jong-un reading a Stephen King novel? Fearless Reader"

"Women are cursed, and men are the proof."

"How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? One to hold it and the rest of the world to spin around them."

"A vaping hipster aetheist vegan crossfitter walks into a bar just kidding people like that dont exist but I imagine they do so I have someone to hate other than myself haha."

"i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning."

"What article of clothing is round and rubbery? Attire."

"Whats the difference between a wank and an egg? You can beat an egg."

"When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope. Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow."