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Joke of the Day

"Catch 22: Husband said if I quit Twitter he would pay for a boob job. But if I had huge jugs I would get tons of new followers. Sigh."

"What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference? System of a Downs My Chemical Imbalance. Youth In Asia"

"The inventor of distorted mirrors has passed away. His funeral will be held in asymmetry."

"A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink Bartender says, ""No charge"""

"Did you hear about the monkey lawyer who kept throwing his shit at the witnesses? He's been transferred to a different branch."

"The movie Noah would be more entertaining if it was combined with Sharknado."

"In the expression "" romantic dinner "" for women key word is "" romantic "" and for men - "" dinner""."

"What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until you're 13 before it comes on your face."

"Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car"

"Why does Karl Marx not take milk in his tea? Because proper tea is theft."