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Joke of the Day

"What if gravity...was invented by the vacuum industry so there was always shit on the floor to clean up. Just hear me out tho."

"I can't wait for thanksgiving. It's an election year so that means there will be at least 4 fist fights and someone's getting disowned."

"To a murderer, we're all jailbait."

"I had I dream I wrote The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings trilogy. I was Tolkien in my sleep."

"What does a ninja and a muslim woman have in common? They're both invisible."

"I just discovered a subreddit called /r/abs Turns out it wasn't about arabic culture."

"Why do honeydew melons have to get married in a formal ceremony? Because they cantaloupe."

"So many people have a messiah complex these days.... I'm like ""Jesus Christ!"""

"What do you call a black man flying a plane A pilot, what're you racist?"

"How near was the boy to his dad's tobacco stash before getting busted? Close... but no cigar."