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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] ""You wrote here your biggest weakness is not knowing what irony means."" ""Ironic isn't it? Is it? I don't know."""

"How to fix something: -Say ""let's have a look"" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say ""nah it's broken"" -Place hands on hips"

"How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers"

"I'm not John Madden, just John Disappointeden."

"Why aren't cars made out of wood? Because they wooden go."

"If i had two number 9s for every gender that exists I would have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45's, one with cheese, and a large soda."

"If Trump divorces Melania while in office... Will she rule half the country?"

"What does E.T stand for? Because he hasn't got a chair!..... sorry."

"Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the one on the right could drive for a change."

"two ants are fighting on a toilet seat One of them gets pissed off."