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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] ""You wrote here your biggest weakness is not knowing what irony means."" ""Ironic isn't it? Is it? I don't know."""

"Tomatoes are a rich source of lycopene (werewolf dick)."

"What's the most terrifying gift your SO/Family can buy for you? Reddit gold."

"A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a gun... The man yells out ""WHOS BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE???"" A few moments later, a man in the back yells back ""YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH BULLETS!""."

"I read my kids a few select Facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, ""This is why we have to stay in school"""

"me (on desert island): good thing i was able to grab this CD player & my 5 fav CDs other survivor: I saw you put down bread & pick those up"

"If mankind has learned one thing from human history, I'd be stunned."

"What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They drive real slow in the school zones."

"Porn is the Kevin Bacon of the internet. No matter what site you go to, it's no more than 6 clicks away."

"""What's that in the bag?"" ""An AK-47."" ""No next to that."" ""A bag of cheetos."" ""You can't bring that into the movie."""