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Joke of the Day

"Went for a 4 mile run this morning. Now everything hurts... even my eyelashes."

"""Is this seat Taken?"" - Guy who confuses Liam Neeson movies with a chair."

"Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup."

"I fucking hate double standards... If a girl sleeps with a load of different men, she's a slut. But when a guy does it he's a homosexual?"

"For me, racism is the same as masturbating. I don't approve of it, but I'm pretty damn good at it. (Credits to Ronald Goedemondt)"

"What were the Zodiac Killer's Plans for Vacation? To take a Cruz."

"Apple recently changed the gun emoji into a water pistol emoji... Meanwhile Microsoft has just changed their toy blaster emoji into a real gun shots fired i guess"

"How do you get four old ladies to yell ""FUCK?"" Get one to yell ""BINGO!"""

"What is Captain Hook's favorite kind of humor? Dead Pan."

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing"