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Joke of the Day

"My wife got angry when I said ""Samsung""... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: ""What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"""

"Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads"

"I just farted in an elevator. Which was wrong on so many levels."

"What do you call a movie producer that gives you more detail than you really wanted? TMI Burton."

"4yo: let me smell your eyelashes! Me:...ok 4yo:smells like spiders. What if they eat your face? Me: this is how nightmares are born."

"You can't trust atoms.. ..They make up everything."

"Today's rappers are lame they're unable to walk normally because of an injury or illness affecting the leg or foot."

".@petco None of the pets I purchase from you shrug and say ""It's a living"" when I use them in place of household appliances."

"People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion of this world is that people are used and things are loved."

"So Jesus... Walks in to a hotel, with a hand full of nails and a hammer in the other...and asks ""Can you put me up for the night ?"""