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Joke of the Day

"I think instead of ""LOL""....I'm gonna go with ""SALTS"" (Smiled a little then stopped). Its more truthful."

"Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?"

"""Comedians"" don't RT because? A. Their tweets are pure gold. B. This is just a joke-tryout site. C. They know we're all funnier than them."

"I use my neighbor's outdoor jacuzzi for bubble bath time with my cat. I'd invite him, but my cat's funny about bathing with strangers."

"A parkourist walks into a restaurant He sees 5 jars. ""What are those?"" The waiter says ""Some are suger, Summersalt"""

"Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home."

"I put my pants on just like everyone else: reluctantly."

"What did the fish say when it hit a wall? DAM."

"[at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait."

"Once you go black... you're a single mom."